Im at strip club and am horny
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize