Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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