Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
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Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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