Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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