weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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