You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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