You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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