Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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