I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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