I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize