How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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