She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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