Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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