Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize