Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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