I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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