Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize