The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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