Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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