You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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