Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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