yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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