Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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