Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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