his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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