Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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