Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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