im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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