oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no, he came in my armpit
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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