you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wear drunk well.
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