Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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