Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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