I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This baby is an asshole
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize