I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize