what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize