hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize