Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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