I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize