I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have already put on my inside pants.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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