i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize