Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Randomize
Follow @tfln