they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize