It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize