I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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