just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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