Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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