I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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