my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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