Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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