You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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